if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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