On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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