so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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