YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
