Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
