He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
