I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
