Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
