I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
