I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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