4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
