I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
