No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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