I got chris browned last night
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
