My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
That's when you crack a 10am beer
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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