Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
