so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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