nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
