Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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