I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
