I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
