some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
