1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
