Your face is a jimmy john
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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