If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
