I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
