This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
