ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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