Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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