Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
