Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
