just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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