you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
