these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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