It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
