this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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