So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
