Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
