i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
