I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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