Cold hands, warm shart.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
