Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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