there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
if only i could text you this smell
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
