she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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