Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
