just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
