so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
