I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
