I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
