So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
