whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
