Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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