my soul wont recognize me after tonight
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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