Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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