I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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