Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
