he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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