see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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