Dual....:-)
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think I sprained my soul last night
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
