I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
