btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
