Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
