actually, I'm a sock model
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just puked most of my soul out..
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