I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
