Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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