the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The Olympian is in my bed
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
